I am a little, but I can’t call you “Daddy” – Corinth Greece, Míkonos Greece, Tinos Greece, Siros Greece, Athens Greece, Tripoli Greece – BDSM, Bondage, Sex Toys, Strippers

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I am a little, but I can’t call you “Daddy”

I am a little, but I can’t call you “Daddy”.
Even just discovering that my personality is “little” is something I’m still wrapping my mind around. It’s something that’s completely unreflected in my BDSM test. Part of that is because it’s not something sexual for me, and doesn’t necessarily carry over into the bedroom. It’s not even something I was consciously aware of until I came here, and started learning about it.
“Little” is a new name for me. A name for something I’ve always been. “Little” was my armor growing up. So much so that it is just part of who I am to this day. I remember as a child becoming consciously aware of the fact that the sweeter, and more innocently I portrayed myself, the less trouble I would get in. I’ve always hated getting in trouble, being yelled at, disappointing. If I sense your displeasure, my eyes well up with tears before you’ve even said a word.
Honestly, I think I struggle with it, because I grew to hate that part of myself. Why couldn’t I just be a normal person? Why does the mere threat of someone’s displeasure cause my heart to ache, tears to well, lips to tremble? Why couldn’t I be stronger? Why am I writing all this while hugging a stuffed Eeyore in my lap?
It’s my personality. Intrinsic to me, and how I relate to the world, but I’ve also had to learn to bury it. I have a lot of responsibilities in my every day life. I can’t indulge that side of myself the majority of the time. I’ve gotten annoyed with that side of myself regularly for not growing up “properly”.
I’m a little, but I can’t call you “Daddy”.
The word feels foreign, and ashy in my mouth, and pulls me into a head space that ruins whatever it is we’re doing. I don’t know why. I can honestly only remember one time in my life that I’ve ever even said the word “Daddy” at all. I was four or five, embarrassing my Mom by shouting to a friend of hers that I wished he was mine.
I guess I have some lingering Daddy issues. How cliche am I?
I don’t mean to sound so judgmental. I have no problem with the Daddy/little dynamic in anyone else.
I just have a problem with me.

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