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Ik wil je warmte om mij heen voelen als een geruststellende deken.
Je handen zacht voelen strelen over mijn gevoelige huid.
Ik zie de littekentjes op mijn lichaam, ze weerspiegelen nare momenten maar kijk ik verder dan zie ik de mooiere momenten.
De momenten die ik gecreëerd heb door door te gaan, te durven, te doen.
Door mijn vertrouwen te schenken aan de mensen die mij nog steeds die geruststellende deken kunnen geven door hun armen om mij heen te slaan.

Elke deken voelt anders, ruikt anders en geeft een andere geborgenheid.
Elk paar armen is een andere band, de 1 intiemer dan de ander maar allemaal zijn ze sterk.
Er zijn dagen waarop ik mij afvraag waar ik die dekens aan verdient heb en dagen waarop ik mij realiseer dat ook ik een deken ben voor velen.
Dagen waarop ik mij wil wentelen in alle dekens die ik heb, alle vertrouwdheid en geborgenheid wil voelen omdat ik het zonder gewoon eventjes niet kan.. Maar ook dagen waarop ik trots mijn deken spreidt en klaar sta om de juiste personen te verwarmen.

En nu, nu wil ik een deken, die ene die niet kriebelt maar zacht tegen mijn huid voelt.
Die ene die ik vaak nodig heb in de nacht wanneer ik het koud heb en het duister van de nacht net een stukje donkerder lijkt.
Die ene die van ellende nog net niet uit elkaar valt maar oh zo fijn en veilig voelt waardoor ik er ook wat voorzichtiger en eerbiediger mee omga.
Geen rare patroontjes, geen gekke knoopjes om hem op te sieren gewoon een deken met de juiste geur, juiste dikte en perfecte knuffelgehalte.

Elke keer net wanneer ik denk dat ik de deken wat verder in de kast kan leggen, denk dat ik hem niet meer zo vaak nodig heb.. Juist dan blijkt hij toch weer vooraan te moeten liggen.
Het is gek en een tikje beschamend om te merken dat ik hem nog zo vaak nodig heb terwijl ik denk van niet.
Toch geef ik er maar aan toe, pak ik die deken en zoek ik dat paar armen wanneer het echt moet.
Rust, geborgenheid en een nacht die iets minder donker is geworden.

Dekens, je kan er niet genoeg van hebben


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