Master Procras-

In this day and age there are So many types and styles of Master. I am Master of the Stairs, when I decide to visit the gym. At the peak of a nineties fad, I was no doubt Master of my thighs, but that was a long time ago. The thought of the strange contraption as an odd mysterious toy. Forbidden fruit. “Don’t touch that, it’s for adults”

Now I am the Master of Unfinished Everything. Delayed emails. Half started sewing projects. Goals of more physical therapy and treatment for my healing injury. Master Procras- is my new buzz word of choice. Like, I’ll finish the word later.

Procrastination. When there’s a big pile of laundry to fold. Dishes to wash. Cat poop to scoop. We all know it. We all feel it. This is the time to hire a housekeeper. J/k. Chronic pain is tiring, exhausting, draining. (Long story very short: spinal and nerve damage)

I’m certain I come across as flakey, lazy and or unreliable. That’s fine, I understand. I’ve been hibernating through most of this Montreal winter and have been to very few social events.

+++

Old-me would grovel and apologize; feel guilty for missed connections and selfish or indulging my self care needs. I “make excuses” and say sorry repeatedly.

Present-me doesn’t care about procrastination. I’m on a mission to heal and recover. Rest and relax. Find my way towards full mobility and range of motion without pain. My “excuses” are what they are. I can explain myself; in the end all I’m doing is taking responsibility for my reasons as excuses.

Future-me will hang out when I’m more rested and able to relate on a more personal level.

+++

I’ll file tax later. Tomorrow. Next week. Next year. Maybe never.

As I start to feel better and more productive, I start to do more and push my boundaries and limits. Rope suspension is not something I do at this point. Nor will I teach any more yoga until May.

I sleep short and strange hours. Sometimes the nerve pain is so much that I take sleeping pills just to sleep. Normal every day tasks seem harder than usual. Photo shoots are sparse and laborious. Sometimes I’m trying my best to fake it, but more and more I hide in the apartment and take four baths a day.

The nearest metro station is 550m away. It feels like an eternity just to enter the station. The pressure on my joints to stand on the moving train also sucks. Even though it’s not really that far or that long, the idea of going more than ten minutes away has become daunting. I realize this sounds like complaining. It is! I’m venting online, eh. In general I keep it to myself as constant negativity doesn’t help. If I don’t want to spend time with negative-me, why would anyone else.

Since most catchy articles seem to have a top ten list, here’s mine. Top ten things I’ve procrastinated recently:

1. Messages about naked yoga. Classes again soon, I’ll update the stuff eventually

2. Personal responses to fetlife messages. I’m sure I’ve read a bunch of them, my problem is if I’m tired or don’t have a keyboard and I want to reply intelligently, I somehow think I’ll do it later when [insert shitty excuse here]. It’s not that I don’t like you just… it’s me. It’s not you. Promise.

3. Requests for photo shoots and the Venus / Penis project. I’ve done a few sessions with about a third of my models. I currently don’t have the physical capacity to shoot at the moment and this is totally why I’m avoiding a reply. This one I’m actually sorry about and do feel guilty. My goal is to release a 2018 calendar. I procrastinate this one because I feel I have time. I’m three for three on crap reasons. (Mastering goals!)

4. Editing shots from previous shoots. I’m still learning with the soft ware; any pro shoots have been edited by another photographer. My friend / fun shoots are sitting in a hard drive just waiting to be tweaked and edited. I’m totally procrastinating. Yup.

5. Ordering things online. I have a list. Somewhere. I’ll get to it. Maybe. Next week. Cat food. Groceries. A bed / mattress. A massage table maybe. Five for five. Yes! I should update my role to Master, I’m so good at it

6. Rope suspension. Rope bottoming. Currently on hold. No apologies. Especially the requests for suspension. I might post some older photos… however I’m procrastinating

7. Requests to tie others. I’m a switch at heart and have enjoyed my very few rope topping experiences. However I’m new for all intents and purposes. I cannot teach you. I likely won’t be a good candidate to tie you. I’m down for learning. Later. At my own pace. When I feel like it. When I’m alert, on point and not feeling the side effects of sleeping pills. If I don’t feel OK to drive, I shouldn’t as fuck be tying people. I’ll figure out how to tie you, how to self suspend, and how to be a better rope bottom, later.



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