Something that has been on my mind

Recently a friend asked me if I saw myself veering to one side of the slash or the other in the future. I really don’t know. I may be a middle of the road kind of girl forever.

I once called myself a “bad submissive.” I felt that I was bad because I couldn’t tolerate the pain, I couldn’t accept the rules, and I couldn’t humble myself enough to yield. Maybe I was a bad submissive or maybe I wasn’t. The circumstances were wrong. I wasn’t ready.

However, none of that is important because the only thing we really have is now. I am not a “bad submissive” right now. I have learned to negotiate, respect my own boundaries, and accept what I am and what I am not. I am more cautious about who I allow to top me. I am no longer afraid to use safe words. I am no longer afraid to push myself past using them. Through switching I have become better. I have a different kind of appreciation for the instruments that we use and the skill of the Top. I know how much work it is to be a “good Dominant”. I know what a Dominant, one like me, wants in a submissive. I can communicate, self advocate, give love, receive love, appreciate and remain loyal. I am capable of trusting and being trusted.

I know what it feels like to be used for a set of skills, only being seen as means to fulfill a fantasy. There is a beating heart on the other end of the flogger and it can be broken.

Should I ever choose to be someone’s submissive again the choice will not be made lightly. Settling will not be on the agenda. I will wait until I feel the right energy is flowing between us, as rare as it is. I will wait for a Dominant who is as unwilling to settle as I am. I am playing to win the long game. I accept that what I am looking for may never exist for me. I am ok with that.

Maybe I was never a bad submissive. Maybe I just needed to look at myself from the other side.

 

Aaron Bsn, Abbi Chalk, Ahmed Toubale, Aïla Lankaranian, Ali Finlay, Alio Flos, Antoine Runacher Vpe, Athene Xenia Aristocleous, Becca Hawkins, Bella D’Anzi, Caitlin Thomas, Caleb Ng, Camille Mercat, Charlotte Scott, Charlotte Sleet, Chloé Barthe, Dee Wasielewska, Domile Abelyte,

 

Ella Joy Lawrence, Eva Lopez Eiro, Eve Bombole, Georgia Harris, Hassina Toubale, Hugo Prando, Jessamy Lelliott, Joely Thompson, Jpos Torres, Julie Naudet Crea, Kai Gittos, Kassem Toubale, Katie Lindsey Smith, Katya Smolko, Layla Daniel, Léa Toubale, Lee Beevers, Louise Henderson,

 

Lucas Descause, Marie-eva Barclay, Mel Dodd, Mohamed Toubale, Nine Halimi, Noémie Beriye, Nolie Gaudesaboos, Oumaima El Idrissi, Pierrot Ducrot, Rémi Conte, Reuben Attia, Reuben Hunt, Skye de la Mare, Stephanie Kirk, Stephie Palmer, Tarek Toubale, Timothé Mercat,

 

Viktorija Pociute, Yacine Toubale, Sinead Murdoch, Hortense Pl-Dn, Léa Coquelle, Tashana Elainé Judson-Saul, Rossella Bittichesu, Abhelaashan Easparanathan, Ashraf Uddin, AnneSophie Antas, Stephane Del Pérugia, Charli Beaumont, Lauradele Sorcelle, Vivian Buard, Rose Borel, Alice Dogruyol, Karim Eltayeb, Dany Acevedo, Eva Clairambaud, Lais Harumi, Meropi Stamna, Nadia Nuseibeh, Lottie Butler, Talia Laikin


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england


nina toubale, abbi chalk, julie naudet crea, brighton england, university of brighton media studies, london england, bdsm, bondage, sex, sex toys, adult shops, adult massage, device bondage, abduction play, discreet encounters, hatfield england, worthing england, bournemouth england, eastbourne england