Vanilla Vs Kink

So this is gonna be another random ass post. It’s not really for anyone but myself. However I just felt like sharing..

All day I’ve been thinking about my life and who I am.
My Vanilla self Vs my Kink self…

In my Vanilla life I am a mother, a older protective sister, a daughter, a friend and sometimes a lover. I work hard for the things in my life. I keep to myself and I push people away. I suffer from social anxiety and have bad panic attacks.
I’m awkward. I talk way too much and too fast. So fast that I stutter.
I’m honest but don’t always say how I feel or what I think. (Except to my family and close friends)
I have absolutely NO confidence in myself. I don’t believe in myself, I feel like I’m invisible and I hate what I see in the mirror. Everyday I have to force myself out if bed and try to pull myself together. Talk myself into trying something or to simply say Hello to someone. It’s frustrating.

However..

In my Kink life..
I’m strong and out going. I don’t take shit from anyone. I speak my mind and I’m blunt about it.
I have no anxiety and my panic attacks don’t ever raise up. I am me, dorky, sweet, bitchy, loud, flirty and all around happy.
I have almost 100% confidence in myself. I love my body and almost every little flaw. I feel sexy and wanted. I don’t feel like I have to keep myself together because I’m exactly where I need to be.

It got me thinking about when I first mentioned to my now ex best friend about my kinky side.

I remember her laughing at me and telling me how stupid I was. About how only “sick fucks* like kink/BDSM. How only “weak” men and women would want to bow down to someone and only a “controlling bastard” would treat someone like that. She said people who enjoy inflicting and receiving pain are just mentally ill people. That only people with low self esteem would allow themselves to live this way.

It amazes me how wrong she was/is. I’m a different person now, I’m happy, my self esteem is higher than ever, I’m strong and my mental state is getting better. It’s all thanks to my Kink life. The friends I’ve made, the people I’ve come across and things I’ve learned. I’m a better person. I couldn’t be happier.



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