Tryst thoughts percolating. – Nina Toubale

So many fantasies about camp have been rising within the cauldron that is my heart and mind. Daydreaming about the connections that will be made. Worrying about potentially stressful situations.

Last year, South was my first camp experience. My first kink event. My first ever dungeon. I was so damn scared. Eager but terrified. I was frankly worried about being pursued sexually and how I would feel about that. Scared that my lover and dominant would scamper off to fuck anyone he could and I would not be safe. That I would make bad decisions and leave with regrets.

The things I was scared of were not what ended up being difficult to navigate. Yes, men and women alike showed interest in me, but consent is so deeply ingrained in all aspects of camp, that I ended up feeling… Undesired. Because, people could read my hesitation and did not violate my bubble. I was allowed room to be skeptical and scared. I was welcomed, admired but not pursued. I did take a lover and he was very good to me. No regrets there. I did set up my own splash into the pool of kinkery and met amazing humans who are now very important to me. And, I did in fact have significant emotional drama with my beloved, but we worked through it together and became stronger because of it. The things I feared were faced and I learned a lot about myself in the process.

Because of that I went to North with very different ideas, hopes and fears. I experienced the extreme joy of seeing familiar faces and knowing that I was home. I had high hopes of submitting to a particular human and of not needing my Beloved in the way I had previously. To be… Independent of him. And I was. Until I wasn’t. When I needed him, I needed him hard and he was there for me, full of love for me. Pride in my growth. Praise for my beauty and strength. I made connections at North that were unexpected. That which I had invested my hopes in… Proved painful. That which I did not see coming gave me great joy. Again I left camp wiser and stronger.

Now, camp is coming and I know that I will be tested, challenged and altered by a few precious days in June. What do I fear? I fear that having my husband (soon to be ex-husband) and his girlfriend (former metamour) present will hinder me. I fear that I will be aware of them and feel ugly feelings. I don’t want that to be true… But, the possibility is very real. If I am happily indulging in some new a wonderful experience and catch sight of them, will it hurt like fuck? Will I lose my balance, my breath, my joy? Perhaps by articulating this I can better combat it. Or perhaps by allowing myself to be afraid I will attract this unwanted experience.

I also have anxiety about renewing connections with those I have been intimate with before. Worried about juggling the desires and needs and complicated dynamics of my many spinning plates. And of needing to use my words and set boundaries in order to keep myself grounded. I am not one who seeks drive by play… I don’t submit lightly and topping is extremely hard work, a big responsibility. I can not be impulsive about either of those things.

Flirtation is different. I can and will flirt at the drop of a hat, and walk away cheerfully when the time for flirtation is past. I have high hopes that I will be approachable, adorable, kissable and well appreciated by camp at large. I’m not a snob and I’m not scared of predatory behavior anymore. I don’t give a damn about looks or equipment or size… I see beauty. I see sexy. I see ridiculous and I love it.

I have specific fantasies about certain people and the fun we will have together. Those fantasies are wonderful and I hope versions of them take place and my connections grow deeper. But, if they don’t… It will be because other things are happening. Other experiences, other challenges, other joys. I could meet someone who fits a special place in my heart unexpectedly. I had no idea going into camp previously that the people I met would be puzzle pieces that interlock with my heart so beautifully.

I have learned to be a very patient woman. I am convinced that if a connection is real and meaningful, that it will last. That it will remain regardless if I act on it, or not. But, I am also scared… That if I don’t seize the day, that terrible things will happen and I will wonder about what could have been. This conflict bothers me. What if I get so busy having fun and exciting new things happen, and don’t manage to strengthen the bonds between me and those who have already earned my lust, admiration and trust?

What will be, will be. I will find who I find and do what I do. I will feel whatever it is that I feel… I will learn whatever lesson I need to learn and walk away stronger for it. It might hurt like hell, and trust me… “My pain sucks” no matter how sexy you bastards think it is. But I am strong enough to experience it, whatever it is.

And if I get chased through the woods by the sinful one, carried off by the menacing manbeast, and get to cover me and my bestie in all the glitter in the world… Well, that would be great. As long as I have my Beloved TimFoolery in my corner, rooting for me to be awesome and amazing, everything will be alright.


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Paddling, Pain, Panties, Panty-Sniffing, Pantyhose/Stockings, pegging, Percussion Play, Petplay, Petticoats, phone sex, Photography, Piercings, Piggy Play, pigtails, Pin-Ups, Pinching, Pirates, Play Piercing, Play Punishment, polyamory,

Pony Play, Porn, Posture Collars, Power Exchange, Predator/prey, Predicament Bondage, Pressure points, pro domme, Prostate Massage, prostate milking, Protocol, Psycholagny, Public Humiliation, public play,

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sexual slavery, Shackles, shaving, Shibari, Single Tail Whips, Slapping, Slave Bells, slave tattoos, slavery, sleep, sleepsacks, sleepy sex, sluts, small tits, smothering, snuggling, Spandex, Spanking, speculums, Speech restriction,

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S2AS Snowboarding Shop Brighton – Hove, Saltdean Stamps – Saltdean, Brighton, Sam’s of Brighton – Kemp Town, Sam’s of Sevendials, Sarah Arnett Bride – Brighton, Sarah Penelope Upholstery and Design – Hove, Brighton, Save The Children – Hove, Savers – Brighton and Hove, Hove, Scoop and Crumb – Hove, Brighton, Scorpio Fire & Security – Portslade, Brighton, Scream Signs – Hove, Screwfix Brighton Branch – Brighton, Seaford Golf Shop – Seaford, Seaview Convenience Store – Brighton, Seiki Systems – Brighton, Selling Vintage Retro – Hove, Seven Brides – Brighton, Seven Cellars – Brighton,

Seven Stars Oriental Supermarket – Kemptown, Brighton, Sewing Lounge learn to make or mend your clothes – Hove, Sewing Machine Shop – Worthing, Sharps Bedrooms – Brighton, Hove, She Said – Brighton, Shoon Men and Womens Shoes – Brighton, Shoulders Of Shoreham – Portslade, Brighton, Simon Hunter Antique Maps – Brighton and Hove, Hove, Simply Instrumental – Brighton, Sinnis Motorcycles – Brighton, SkiRide Media – Brighton,

Small Batch, Small Batch Coffee – Hove, Small Batch Coffee Company – Brighton, Smart Paint Mobile Car Body Repairs – Brighton, Smiths Radio – Brighton, Smokehouse@7dials – Hove, Smokers Heaven – Brighton, Solutions inc – Hove, Soup urb – Brighton, Source Military The Bunker – Brighton, South Coast Bikes – Portslade, Hove, South coast costumes – Brighton, Southern Masts and Rigging – Brighton, Spark Motorcycles – Hove, Specialist Herbal Supplies – Portslade, St James Street Barber Shop – Brighton, St Marys Convenience Store – Brighton, Stamco Building Supplies – Hove, Stanmer House,

Starbucks Coffee Brighton St James Street – Brighton, Steady On Designs – Brighton, Steamer Trading Cook Shop – Brighton, Steeles – Brighton, Step Back in Time – Brighton, Stormont Truck & Van – Hove, Brighton, Street Sounds – Brighton and Hove, Hove, Sunglass Hut Brighton – City Centre, Brighton, sunoso Brighton – Brighton, Superdrug – Brighton, Superdrug – Brighton, Superdrug – Brighton, Superdrug – Brighton,

SuperNatural Organic Kids & Baby Clothes – Hove, EAST SUSSEX, Sussex Bed Centres – Portslade, Brighton, Sussex Fencing & Construction Co – Portslade, Brighton, Sussex International Grocers – Brighton and Hove, Hove, Sussex Jewellery and Craft School – Hove, Brighton, Sussex Mechanic – Hove, Sussex Pet Stores – Brighton and Hove, Brighton, Sussex Print & Craft – Brighton, Sussex Uniforms – Haywards Heath,

Swains Farm Shop and Garden Centre – Woodmancote, Swarovski Brighton – Brighton, Swift Sports – Brighton, Swisstorante – Brighton, T G Fruits – Brighton, Taste of China – Hove, Tattoo Studio M13 – Hove, Taylor Made Frames – North Laine, Brighton, Taylors – Brighton, Taylors Tobacconists – Brighton, Technochi Computers – Brighton, Techworld – Brighton, Tegen Accessories – Brighton, Terre a Terre, Terrence John Blacksmithing – Newhaven, Terry’s – Brighton, TextileGarden – Bramber, Steyning, The Ginger Dog, The Ginger Pig, The Grill at Lansdowne Place, The Whitecliffs Cafe,

thecopyroom – Brighton, thepackman – Portslade, Brighton, Thorne’s Foods – Brighton, Thorntons – City Centre, Brighton, Tickled – Brighton, Timpson – Brighton, Timpson – Hove, Timpson – Portslade, Hove, TJ’s Branding Solutions – Hove, TJ’s Visual Solutions – Hove, TKMaxx – London, Tobacconists ” Cuban Cigars” – Brighton, Toby Tiger – Brighton, TOG 24 Store – Brighton, Toolstation Hove – Hove, Touro Brazilian Steakhouse, Towels Galore – Lancing, Toys R Us – Hove, Brighton, Tracking UK – Brighton, TradePoint – Brighton, Trafalgar News – Brighton, Trafalgar Wines – Brighton and Hove,

Brighton, Translife Limited – Hove, Travis Perkins Trading Co – Brighton, Trendco Hove – Hove, Tresami Antiques & Collectables – Brighton, TunTun’s Cafe, Tutti Frutti – Brighton, UniqueT – Brighton, Upholsterers Brighton Field Soft Furnishings & Upholstery – Brighton, Upholstery Artist – Hove, Valelink – Brighton, Van Window Conversions – Brighton, Vantage House UK – Hove, Vape Shop Brighton – Portslade, Brighton,

Varney’s Sewing Machines – Portslade, Brighton, Vehicle Sign Writing – Portslade, Brighton, Velo Ami – Hove, Velo Vitality – Brighton, Velvet Tattoo – Hove, Villa & Hut – Portslade, Hove, Vin Mag Co – Brighton, Waitrose – Brighton, Walk in Wardrobe Boutique – Hove, Warren Evans Beds Brighton – Brighton, Waterside Brasserie, Waterstones Brighton – Brighton, Wax Factor – Brighton, Weeza Graphics – Brighton,

Westbourne Motors – Hove, Westdene Butchers – Brighton, Weston – Brighton, Wheels R Us Alloy Wheel Repair & Refurbishment Service – Hassocks, White Company – Brighton, White Leaf Boutique – Brighton, WHSmith – Brighton, WHSmith – Brighton, WIck Candle Boutique – Hove, Wildcat – Brighton, Wilkinson – Burgess Hill, William Hill – Brighton, William Morris Antiques – Brighton, Wilmshurst Bros – Hove, Brighton, Windmill Stores – Brighton,

Wolf & Dagger – Hove, Wonky Crafts – Hassocks, Works Brighton – Brighton, Works Outlet – Brighton, World Of Taps – Brighton, Worthing Wine and E Cigarette Station – Worthing, WVM Upholstery – Brighton and Hove, AK – Brighton, Yo Yo Blinds – Brighton, YouAreArtcouk – Brighton, Youjuice – Hove, Youjuice Garage – Hove, Yum Yum Ninja, ZeroDotNine – Brighton, Zizzi – Brighton, Zizzi – Brighton Marina, Zoingimage – North Laine,