I think I out-bratted myself

Lately, I have been in something we call “Super, Mega bitch” mode. Not that I am overly awful, but I somehow lose the filter in my mind and instead go from Brat to viperous; sharp, biting and only comical and cute to those who know me so well. It doesn’t happen often but when it does, oh boy do I let loose!! I even shock myself at times (cue me sending pictures of me flipping the bird to D-types who I definitely shouldn’t mouth off to =P)

I think it’s been a good fortnight now and its ebbed away; leaving a mixed feeling of calm and discomfort…and a new need. I’m used to playing, I’m used to offering my understanding of submission but this is something more.

For the first time, I have offered up my control. Not just “we’ll see how I feel on the day” this is a bona-fide “please decide for me.”

As I said, this is a new feeling for me. Even identifying as Submissive, I’ve had many gates and walls that I couldn’t let people through. Some of them are so old I’ve lost the bloody key to open the damn things but people have somehow managed to dig their way under anyway. Maybe it’s all that work I’ve been set by my counsellor about learning to trust or whatnot or maybe I’ve come to believe in these people anyway.

I could count them on one hand, with two in particular I could hand this control over to without fear.
It’s so strange to me but its such a wonderful feeling too, to want to surrender. Perhaps I had to get all the gunk out of me verbally, clean out my soul so to speak, to get to this. I’m such a bastard half the time that I couldn’t see that deeply into myself or rather, didn’t want to. We all have needs and desires, but I spent a lifetime training myself to ignore them as a form of protection from the world. We sometimes have too much thrown at us, and now I’m preparing to break.

I’m glad I’ve bratted it out, even though I’m probably going to pay for it dearly. It’ll be worth it to knock down a few more walls…

I just don’t think the Brat will be gone for long =P

 

 

Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale

 

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Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale

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