Poly N00b Diary – Opening up

Nepos and I were talking today about our adventure so far in polyamory. It has been such a joy to me, watching him begin to open up. We’ve talked about polyamory a few times in the past, and we’ve joked — both then and now — about each of us having our own girlfriends/boyfriends, but this is the first time we’ve taken a real step into the world of polyamory.

I don’t expect this to be smooth sailing all the way — we’re all human, we all have our own insecurities and idiosyncrasies. We may all also have differing ideas about boundaries and expectations and what we want out of a poly relationship. (We = Nepos + me + x where x is whoever, however many whoevers that is, that we invite into our relationship, on whatever terms that is.) But so far, this has been a joy. It has been like watching a gradual blooming in Nepos.

It began when we took our first steps into the fet life, not just poly life, but I’ve found particular joy watching him grow in poly life. When he first revealed his crush to me. The first time I saw him walking alone with her. When he told me he’d revealed his crush to her. When he told me they’d set a date. All of these things brought me joy for him.

And when he told me that first date fell through. She was stressing about other obligations, it wasn’t anything ill-intentioned. Sometimes that just happens. Obviously, his disappointment did not bring me joy — but the emotional work and opening up that came after it did. We were discussing all of this today, the journey and the disappointment, and my heart just kept swelling with joy and love for him.

I told him it’s nice to see him so relaxed, and he naturally disagreed with me — and I understand why. He doesn’t feel relaxed. He’s like a teenager anxiously waiting for his first date with his first crush. Everybody who’s ever had a first date has probably experienced that anticipation as anything but relaxing. But in this emotionally repressive society that we raise our boys in, holding them up to this toxic ideal of masculinity, where tears and tender feelings are things to be tamped down and denied so that nobody can detect any trace of vulnerability — he has relaxed. He can’t see it, but I can. And it’s beautiful.

Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale

Moonstone Nails – Hove, The Pop Up Beauty Box – Brighton, Makeup by Kimberley Norris – Brighton, Olive Beauty Brighton – Brighton, Nancy’s Nails – Brighton, Emily Jayne MUA – Southwick, Brighton, Muse Academy of Makeup – Hove, Beauty At Home – Brighton, Scallywags – Brighton, beauty – The Perfect Pamper, The Perfect Pamper – Brighton, Beauty By Lianne – Hove, Flawless Makeover – Portslade, Brighton, Bea Beautiful – Brighton, Beautiful Face – Hove

You’ll Need This Number – Hove, Brighton Make-up Artist and Hairstylist – Hove, Abigail’s Beauty Room – Brighton Marina Village, Brighton, SJEmakeup – Hove, Lashes By Irene – Brighton, Nadia Skinner Makeup Artist – Hove, Nail Garden and Spa – Brighton, Ameliore Beauty – Brighton, Retro Beauty – Brighton, Helena Gibbs MUA – Brighton, The M Room – Brighton, Heavenly Brows – Hove, Angela Amelia, Makeup Angel – Hove, Sotheran’s Secrets Mobile Beautician – Southwick

Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale

University of Brighton, Media Studies Students