The Thief of Joy and the Inadequacy of Perception

I have a bad habit.

Based purely on personal observation, it seems that many people share a similar bad habit. It’s almost as if it’s bred into us. It’s the hushed thing that we do in the secret recesses of our mind that we loathe to discuss openly with others, perhaps because they may try to convince us that our thoughts are a lie.

I sometimes struggle with feelings of inadequacy. The struggle isn’t the bad habit, though. It is merely the byproduct. It’s roots grow in soils far more sinister. Comparison.

Comparison isn’t always a bad thing, you know, if you’re trying to decide which brand of food would be healthier for your dog. By all means, compare the features on those mobile devices and decide which would better fit your lifestyle.

But comparing ourselves to others, that’s a slippery slope.

Very recently, I slipped into a bit of a slump. Slumps aren’t a good thing. They’re like a rut, but with slimy sides. There’s nothing to grip and there’s almost no way to gain any sort of traction. Now that I’ve explained that, I’ll try to talk about the rest.

I do this thing, when I get stuck in these slumps, where I use my perceptions of inadequacy based on comparisons that I’ve only pondered in my own brain to push people away. My partner may or may not admit it, but I do this to him and I know it drives him bonkers. It can be so difficult to see past my own perception of inadequacy, however, that I become blind to any other truth.

It comes out in phrases like:

You know, you could do so much better.

You could be with someone much younger and prettier than me.

You could be with someone thinner and cuter, like that girl who has been flirting with you.

I’m not sure why you even want me.

And when I say things like that, I tend not to factor in that he constantly tells me that he thinks I’m beautiful. I forget that when we’re physically together, he can’t keep his hands off me. I neglect to think about the fact that he expresses his desire for me every single day.

My thoughts are not based in logic or reality. They’re based in the inadequacy of perception.

Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale

Most of the mistakes in thinking are inadequacies of perception rather than mistakes of logic. ~ Edward de Bono

In reality, I’m never going to be younger. I have the face I have and I’ve no plans to alter it, so cute or not, this is me. My body and I have been through some things together and it definitely has its scars. It has handled stress, pain, accidents, a miscarriage, the birth of a child, and Hashimoto’s thyroiditis (which is a bitch, by the way).

To compare any aspect of myself, my accomplishments, my looks, or my body to some other person is not fair to me or them. They’ve lived a different life and have a different story. Their struggle is not mine and mine is not theirs.

We are all deserving of love and respect.

My goal, upon this realization, is to spend more time focusing on my best actual and less time focusing on how I stack up compared to others. Unless something can be specific and measured, they’re generally a matter of opinion anyway. And I happen to know a guy who has a very high opinion of me.

There are no lower or higher individuals in the perception of a humble person. There are only souls. There is only love. ~ Gary Zukav

Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale


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