Surfacing (or the exquisite pleasure of carrying His water)

Years ago at a party, I asked a Dom I had a huge crush on – and the only person I knew at the time who was openly into BDSM – how he could tell if someone was submissive.

“I test her,” he replied. “For example, I might ask a woman to go to the bar and get me a drink.”

He smiled sweetly, fished a ten-dollar bill out of his wallet and offered it to me. “I’ll have a gin and tonic.”

I smiled sweetly in return.
“Fuck you.”

No matter how much I secretly wanted him to pin me down and do malicious things to me, there was no way I was going to get him a drink.

Men fetched me drinks. I didn’t get drinks for them.

I receive service. I don’t serve.

Hard limit. No exceptions.

Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale,

Ten years later

“Hold my water bottle.”

My date – although at this point it’s not so much a date as a walk between two platonic friends who met on Fetlife – passes me his water bottle as he fiddles with his camera to capture something on the trail.

I take the water bottle. He takes the photo.

When he’s done, he doesn’t ask for it back so I hold on as we keep walking.

“Maybe he’s going to take another photo,” I think. “I’ll just do him this favour.”

Five minutes later. We’re still walking. There hasn’t been another photo. I’m still carrying the water bottle.

“Do you want this back?” I ask trying to hand it off to him.

He looks at it and grins devilishly. “No. You can carry that.”

I mumble something snarky like, “As if. Okay. Like. Whatever.”

But instead of passing it back to him my hand takes on a life of its own, latches around the bottle, and holds it even tighter.

Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale,

My mind registers it two seconds after my body.

He is testing me.

My walking partner is a Dom. I know this from his profile although we’ve never discussed it.

He is testing me.

A switch I didn’t know existed flicks on inside of me.

He is testing me!

And, holy shit! Do I ever want to pass this test!!!

Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale,

“Who the fuck are you and what have you done with the person I came here with?”

My rational voice surfaces.

You don’t carry water bottles. Men carry water bottles for you.”

This I know to be true; yet, I keep his bottle firmly in my grasp.

And although I joke with him about spitting in it, for the rest of our walk, except when he wants a sip, the fucking thing never leaves my hand.

When I accidentally drop it (more than once), I pick it up quickly, terrified that he won’t be pleased with me.

WTF is happening to me?

At one point in the afternoon, I’m really thirsty. I don’t, it should be noted, have any water of my own. And there, the conflict arises:

Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale,

Do I ask permission to take a sip?

My intention was simply to get to know him as a friend but now something seriously strange is happening.

This weird, long-dormant part of me is delirious with the need to please, to serve, to make him happy.

Meanwhile, the old me remains. “You don’t need to ask permission. Take a sip. You’ve been carrying this bottle long enough,” says rational me.

“YES! Be a good girl and ask permission,” whispers this new unfamiliar me. “You don’t want to get in trouble… or do you?”

I don’t know which voice is the angel and which is the devil.

“If you ask to take a sip, he will know,” comes a third voice somewhere between the two. “He will know that you know the game you are both playing and He will know that you are His.”

And where the hell did this capital H just come from?

I sneak a sip when he’s not watching.


For the rest of the afternoon, the delicious conflict continues.

We stop for food. He buys another bottle of water. I buy a bottle of water. Yet, I keep holding the first bottle.

I hold that water until the very end of the non-date that by this time has very much become a date.

Our walk extends until the evening and at the end of the evening, after six hours of carrying his water bottle for Him, He says, “I’ll take that back now.”


And then He says, “I am pleased with you.”

And I beam. Holy shit, do I beam! I beam so much I’m surprised the entire city doesn’t wonder why it’s suddenly daylight even though its 9 p.m. at night.



They say when the student is ready, the master appears.

In that moment, I’m not sure where this is going but I know I have passed the test of admission.

There will be other tests, of this I am certain. But, for this one and those I have not yet encountered, I am grateful.

I proven myself.

And I am ready to learn.

Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale,

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Kicking, kidnapping roleplay, kilts, Kinbaku, Kissing, Kitten Petplay, Klismaphilia, kneeling, lace, Lactation, large labia, Large objects, Latex, Leather, legs, Librarians, Light Bondage, Lingerie, lipstick, liquor, Lycra/spandex, Maid, Maid Uniforms, Makeup, Making Home Movies, male authority, male submission, martial arts, Masks, Masochism, Massages, Master/Slave, Masturbation, Medical Play, Medieval Devices, Mental Bondage, metal, military, military interrogation, Military Uniforms, Mind Fucks, Mistress/slave, mistresses with strap-ons, mommy/boy dynamics, Mommy/girl, Monogamy, Multiple Orgasms, mummification