Fresh Meat & Low Hanging Fruit: New Girls

You’ve all fucking seen it.

New girl, young girl, pretty girl, single girl.

She’s new to your munch, she’s new to the scene, she’s new and she’s shiny.

Does she have a tragic backstory? Does she not know what she likes yet? Is she only just 18? Oh? All of the above? 10 points to Slytherin.

Do you find yourself attracted to the oh-so-new and shiny girls? And then once you’ve had them, they’re no longer shiny, they’re no longer new and exciting?

Nina Toubale | United Kingdom

You are guilty of going after fresh meat and low hanging fruit.


Why fresh meat? Because it’s a territory thing. You’re going to do her before everyone else, and mark your territory like the fucking dog you are. You’re trying to be the guy that did it first and did it best. You’re trying to take credit for a step she made herself into the community. And honestly, you’re being a dick. You want her because she’s a notch in your belt, a trophy on your shelf. You don’t have any real interest in making her feel safe and at home in the community. In fact you may even hurt her physically and emotionally in the process. You’ve just got to get her done as quickly as possible, no matter how sloppy the process because she’s not even a person to you. She’s just another bottom. Another conquest. And you, you’re an asshole.

Why low hanging fruit? Because she’s broken. Because she’s vulnerable. You can play Mr. Nice Dom, and show her that all doms aren’t that bad. That you’re different. But you are instinctively drawn to victims of abuse and hurt because you can try to fix her. Her standards are low as shit because she’s been through hell, so you don’t have to do much to make her feel good. You do the bare minimum of nice and she thinks it’s the bees knees because she’s been treated like shit. You want her because she’s an easy catch. All you have to do is pretend to be nice. You also have no interest in making her feel safe or at home in the community. Because she’s not even a person to you, she’s just another bottom. Another conquest. And you, you’re a FUCKING ASSHOLE.

If you read a little too much of yourself in this, then FUCKING STOP IT. We ALL fucking see it and it’s gross. It’s fucking predatory. The way you guys fucking fight over a person like a piece of meat, and the first one to bone her or beat her wins. Y’all say things like you wanna mentor her, or protect her, you start bullshit negotiations super fucking early on in the game.

Nina Toubale - Brighton Media Studies - University of Brighton

Hey, new girl, IT’S A TRAP. Don’t go with those guys.

Go with the guy that wants to go slow. Go with the guy that has a real interest in finding out what you like in the scene. Go with the guy that listens to you. Go with the guy that is willing to wait until you feel comfortable to play. Go with the guy that listens to you call red and yellow in a scene. Go with a guy that fucking communicates. Go with the guy that doesn’t want a commitment right out of the gate.

For the love of balls, don’t go with the guy with the “anyone shaped hole” in his life, because he’s gonna try and prune the crap out of you to make you fit.

And LISTEN. Listen to other women in the community. Listen to other bottoms in the community. Listen to people talk. WATCH. Watch at every fucking opportunity. Watch scenes, watch interactions, watch how much people drink, watch everything. Make a list in your head of what you would and wouldn’t do. Of who you would and wouldn’t play with. Of what you are and aren’t ok with. Call out problematic behaviors, and don’t let anyone tell you that it’s BDSM culture. There’s a lot of bullshit out there, abusive bullshit, that people try to pass off as normal BDSM culture that you “just don’t get” because you’re new.

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Nina Toubale | United Kingdom


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Nina Toubale | United Kingdom

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