Self Discovery, Bottom, Master or slave

The world of kink and BDSM and all of its many aspects allows us opportunities to grow and to discovery aspects about ourselves that we had no idea existed. Doors get opened that maybe we wish never would have even been discovered.

We learn where we fit within our communities. Are we Top or Bottom, Master or slave, Dominant or submissive? Not to mention a huge world of other labels like pet, little, brat, sadist, masochist and so on.

The thing is that because of the nature of what we do in the kink world things happen to us or get exposed about our personalities that maybe we never knew before. Maybe we are not psychotic or bad people we are just damaged people trying to find our place in the world. Thankfully BDSM, Kink, Leather and so on have a place in the world for us to find a home.

I am a bit down tonight because I know I have issues. i know I come with baggage. Until the day I leave the earth I will be in the process of self discovery. I will continue to take deeper looks within myself and I will continue to learn and hopefully grow into someone I can recognize as solid and stable all of the time or at least most of the time.

I like some the nuances of my personality. I do not like it when the shift is large and confusing even to me because it upsets those around me. I know I shouldn’t care what others think of me but sometimes it is the nature of who I am to care and be sensitive, it may be part of my submissive nature. I don’t know.

Life is a struggle sometimes. But it is all part of the journey of self discovery.

Not real clear headed… LOL

One of my play group member’s birthday party, tonight….

Lots of good wine and mead, organic chocolate cake, pick your poisons of all…. sorts. (Ibrought bricks of chocolate that pair with wine, and a fancy little box explaining how).

Sitting there at the raucous party with great friends new and old, surrounded by my 3 ladies (and two of their husbands), it was a wonderful evening…..

I even surprised the non-birthday couple: a cheap but gorgeous set of black leather cuffs, from Amazon. Silky soft interior, but not furry; nice hardy rings. For the playroom being built into the home they bought and are renovating. For our group Toy Chest.

It’s looking like a beautiful new year on the horizon.



Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale, Kassem Toubale, Nina Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale,


Ella Joy Lawrence, Reuben Hunt, Katie Lindsey Smith, Georgia Harris, Lee Beevers, Charlotte Sleet, Jessamy Lelliott, Kai Gittos, Stephanie Kirk, Becca Hawkins, Stephie Palmer, Athene Xenia Aristocleous, Charlotte Scott, Mel Dodd, Caitlin Thomas, Dee Wasielewska, Cat Russell, Alio Flos, Joely Thompson, Lilah Kate Smallwood, Milena Deparis, Tameka Gowan, Jack Seales, Rossella Bittichesu, Tashana Elainé Judson-Saul, Max Lewis, Hannah Schmitt, Rowanne Sampson, Lois Olding, Shannon O’Neill, Lerryn Martin, Alice Burns, Adam Cope, Alex Hawkins, Hafsah Jalloh, Alex Hartley, Tom Williamson, Ashraf Uddin, Jack Murphy, April Stewart, Jess Mckerlie, Helen Scott, Lewis Compton, Divya Dullip, Crystalle Cox, Samia Awad, Sophia Barron-Edgley, Sophie Dobrev, Milly Gilmore, Nicole Gilroy, Sinead Murdoch

Léa Toubale, Nina Toubale, university of brighton, brighton uk, hove uk, Moulsecoomb, falmer uk, kemptown uk, paris france, london uk, leatherneck uk, amex stadium, Wah Kiki, brighton PRYZM, brighton Rox, brighton Shooshh, Husky Events, brighton The Arch, brighton The Lanes, matt pourzand, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale, Nadia Nuseibeh, Nolie Gaudesaboos, Camille Mercat, Tim Mercat, Oumaima El Idrissi


I need

My needs met too. I e asked, begged, pleaded for my needs to be met too. I don’t ant to be beat. I need you to play with my masochist. But all I get are empty promises and disappointments.