Being a Primal – A Peek into the Mind

So let’s talk about Primal Play my favorite thing ever. Primal Play at it’s core is about ceasing on some level to be in control of your own actions and as such it can be really fucking dangerous. There are levels of play I’m willing to participate in without an indepth discussion beforehand, trusting that paying attention to my partner(s) and how they react will help me dictate if it’s okay if I smack them on the butt or whatever. Primal Play is not one of those things. I could hurt you, I want you to hurt me and getting hung up on worrying about if you like it defeats the purpose, so I have to trust you to be able to clearly and loudly tell me no if you don’t like what’s going on.

So what is it exactly? Well like most things in life that depends a lot on the person but the common thread is being well primal. Most folk into primal play would describe themselves as animalistic, maybe even identify with a specific animal though some like to release their inner caveman and for still others there isn’t anything in particular just all of the raw Feels being let loose into the world.

There are all kinds of levels of primal play including some very gentle and tender elements. Someone more into the animalistic side of things may like to cuddle, pet, sniff, purr, nuzzle and make cute sounds, etc, with their partner(s.) Going up a level they may like to gently bite, scratch, spank, pull hair, growl, but still keep a tender and loving feeling going. It gets more violent from there, biting harder, hitting harder, actually punching and kicking and choking to various degrees. Depending on the couple (or group) the sub might be fighting to get away a variation on consensual non-consent, or they might be two switches fighting to be on top fighting towards each other rather than away.

So why do I like this so much? All kinds of reasons. Going back to Early Days Me, I used to be quite the punk rock kid and to this day nothing in my life gives me the level of release and euphoria that I got as a teenager in a mosh pit. I was an addict, going to 2-3 shows a week and diving straight into the pit. I could write an entire post on the wonders of Pit Etiquette and what it taught me about myself and about life but that’s completely off topic. The relevant bits are I’m a bit of a masochist depending on the scenario. I like getting hurt it releases all kinds of wonderful endorphins and adrenaline and it makes me feel strong, something I don’t feel in my day-to-day life. I like feeling tough like I can take anything, like I’m a survivor and getting my ass kicked in a mosh pit does that for me all while providing an excellent soundtrack. With primal play I’m looking to capture that same feeling, a complete dump of all of the negative feelings leaving nothing behind but exhaustion, soreness, and true contentment. I really want my prey to wrestle back with me. Every time you succeed I get to feel strong, and every time I stop you I get to feel powerful and in control.

There’s also a very strong aspect of feeling wanted. My partner isn’t passive in this whole thing letting me just fuck them, they NEED to fuck ME to the point where they can’t control themselves anymore. I’m less into the sub-fighting-to-get-away dynamic and way more into switches fighting to be on top.

There are also benefits to either winning or losing. If I win it means I’m stronger, powerful, dominant, in control even if I’ve lost control which I like to feel from time to time. If I lose then I get to let all of that go which can be really nice too. But for me anyway just giving up lessens the release somewhat. It’s better if control is taken from me. If you want to top me, you’ve got to earn it and I hope you feel the same because I don’t want you to just let me win either. The more you fight the more you try to wrest control away from me the more the world melts away and the less I care about anything except getting what I want.

Let’s talk a bit about the animalistic nature of the whole thing, because that’s definitely a part of it for me and a part I don’t fully understand about myself yet. It’s something I’m still exploring. What I do know is that if you pull my hair or if you bite me in the right spots my eyes roll into the back of my head and I have to fight really hard to not lose control which is a really fun game for me. If I’m in a situation where I can allow myself to lose control, then I really do start acting kind of like an animal. I’ll tackle you, pin you down, bite, growl…I sort of picture a wolf or bear, which still seems silly to me. Maybe I read too many fantasy novels as an impressionable youth.

Let’s not get the wrong impression here, there is a big difference between being a furry and being primal and while the two can definitely overlap, if someone tells you they’re a furry that doesn’t mean they want you to go all Fight Club on them. Neither does someone telling you they’re into primal play necessarily mean they want you to wear a fursuit to bed. I specify this not because I think there’s anything wrong with being a furry but because I think a lot of people mix the two of them up which can be a problem.

So does this mean sex for me is always violent? Not at all. For one I like variety including things like playful fun sex and intense passionate sex and also not having sex and just making out like teenagers as well as whole slew of other kinks like bondage and spanking and buttstuff. For another while I like getting bruised and beaten I don’t especially like getting bruises on my bruises. If you bite the shit out of me in all the right places then I’m going to have to wait for that damage to heal before it’s going to be enjoyable again. To be frank though primal play is more of a round-two sort of thing for me because otherwise I come much quicker than normal. All of the excitement combined with a lack of control means this game is over fast if it’s what we start with.

In any case I hope that this better describes the feelings of being a Primal and what they mean to me. I always love questions and comments so if you have any please feel free to voice them. I hope you all enjoyed a peek into my mind.

nina toubale

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