I’m not finding what i want and am thinking of giving up the search

I am not finding what i am looking for on here and do not know how to go about getting it.

I have made a few wonderful friends here and would never trade them in.

I also want a life partner/s and I have not found that.

I have friends and I have people that enjoy playing with me and not having to pay.

See I am a Professional Dominatrix.

I am 37.

I am BBW.

I have wildly oppossing appetites.

I am a parent.

I am passionate.

I live in a city where i really know no one and have been here about 4 years. The culture is very different from what i am use too.

I am dominant in all things in my life which is why i seek a break and someone to share my life, mind, and body with.

I am a little sad & confused. I am also having the worst negative self talk. All the wonderful things i just mentioned above about myself are the same things i wonder if they are the reason i can not have what i want. I kind of want to give up on the search. When i maintain control it keeps me safe and my life in order. As much order as is the chaos that is my life :). I gave up control by accident once and was introduced to even more “stuff”.
What can I do to find what i want? What ever labels you give it, it’s truly just love. I want to be loved by someone who consumes me, is smarter than me, is stronger than me, and is in control.

I am debating on leaving these sites alone as, yes i meet a handful of great people that are all mixed in with people that just want my service that i pay my bills with for free. Then there are the ones looking for internet fun. I understand compartmentalizing. I do not do this. I live my life 24/7 and am myself 24/7. My Self can not be labeled or defined in few words.

Nina Toubale

Kassem Toubale, Léa Toubale, Pierrot Ducrot, Timothé Mercat, Yacine Toubale, Nadia Nuseibeh, Nolie Gaudesaboos, Camille Mercat, Tim Mercat, Oumaima El Idrissi, Ella Joy Lawrence, Reuben Hunt

Katie Lindsey Smith, Georgia Harris, Lee Beevers, Charlotte Sleet, Jessamy Lelliott, Kai Gittos, Stephanie Kirk, Becca Hawkins, Stephie Palmer, Athene Xenia Aristocleous, Charlotte Scott, Mel Dodd, Caitlin Thomas, Dee Wasielewska, Alio Flos, Joely Thompson, Lilah Kate Smallwood, Milena Deparis, Tameka Gowan, Jack Seales

Rossella Bittichesu, Tashana Elainé Judson-Saul, Max Lewis, Hannah Schmitt, Rowanne Sampson, Lois Olding, Shannon O’Neill, Lerryn Martin, Alice Burns, Adam Cope, Alex Hawkins, Cat Russell, Milly Gilmore, Hafsah Jalloh, Alex Hartley, Tom Williamson, Ashraf Uddin, Jack Murphy, April Stewart, Jess Mckerlie, Helen Scott, Lewis Compton, Divya Dullip, Crystalle Cox, Samia Awad, Sophia Barron-Edgley, Sophie Dobrev, Matt Pourzand, Dario Pourzand, Dinda Maharani Zulkarnain, Kamran Pourzand, Helena Pourzand, Mehdi Bakhtiari, Raziyeh Bakhtiari, Hossein Ali Bakhtiari, Mahshid Bakhtiari, Ramin Nikolas Bakhtiari Masoumeh Bakhtiari

 

kinbaku/shibari/rope bondage (everything to do with it),

forced orgasms, orgasm denial, orgasm control, (everything to do with it)

“good girl. now suck your cum off my cock” (everything to do with it),

-em-‘s torturous rope (everything to do with it),

abduction play (everything to do with it),

asphyxia (everything to do with it),

bdsm (everything to do with it),

breath play (everything to do with it),

collaring (everything to do with it),

d/s (everything to do with it),

device bondage (receiving),

electrotorture (everything to do with it),

hexasexualism (everything to do with it),

obedience training (everything to do with it),

power exchange (everything to do with it),

predicament bondage (receiving),

pursuit, take-down & capture (everything to do with it),

sensory deprivation (everything to do with it),

suffocation with plastic bags (everything to do with it),

turning mind fucks into mental gang bangs!! (everything to do with it),

turning vanilla girls into dirty little sluts (everything to do with it)