Weight. Health. And the struggle for happiness

I’ve been a bit hesitant to post about this struggle due to insecurity…the fear of not being able to live up to my plans for improvement and failing publicly…but I’m feeling a bit more comfortable talking about it due to some recent measurable progress.

About a year and a half ago, I started inexplicably gaining weight. No reduction of caloric intake or activity seemed to stop it. I have thousands of followers on the internet who praised my body type and would send me private messages of thanks for my being an inspiration to them.
Telling me how I made them feel comfortable in their own skin due to my curvy look and comfort posing nude in photos.

I also started getting my fair share of nasty comments on my photos and in private messages commenting about my size. I even had a fellow rope bottom and model once ask me “why I didn’t just go on a diet” when I mentioned my concern and how it effected me in rope and how I saw myself in photos.

All things considered, I think I maintained a really compact size for the amount of weight I gained.

This was all really hard on me though. I felt like I couldn’t really speak out about my struggle, because I needed to keep a strong exterior for those looking up to me. Those that thought of me as a role model. I have to look strong for those that told me they needed me to be their motivation.

This was hard because I’ve never been this heavy in my life. It’s hard to describe the feeling of being in a body that isn’t yours. The feelings that come along with having zero control over my body and its continued changes.

At the breaking point a few months ago, I was up 35-40 lbs in a year. I could not do anything to reduce the weight. I was at several points tracking everything I was eating and restricting to 1000 calories a day with daily walks and jogging added in. I’d cut all sodas, fast food, coffee drinks, etc. …spending a lot of money on food in the process. I even paid a company to prep my meals. I was eating Paleo (No grains, no dairy, no soy, not a lot of processed food)
At one point I was considering full body lipo to get rid of this body that I could not accept as mine.

Despite all of my work and restriction, nothing could explain why I was continuing to gain the weight.

Around this past August, I started seeing a specialty clinic here in Seattle where they started me on a crazy range of supplements and IV therapies to try and help for about 2 months. I wasn’t seeing any kind of change other than thousands of $$$ leaving my wallet.

I had also started seeing a really great personal trainer for private sessions 3 days a week around mid-October. My health has also been declining, so we’ve been working on rebuilding my body, range of motion, and getting me moving again.

Progress was slow. No changes.

Finally… I go to a different integrative and naturopathic medical clinic as a last resort and see if they can do anything else to help me. I’m exhausted by this. The stress. I’m eating well, exercising, and spending $1000s on alternative medical therapy. I’m over it!

I gather up all of my test results and info from the previous dr and head in with a plan. I’m not leaving that office until they do something to help me. Something real, that would work. The first thing the doctor looked at was my previous test results….she asked why no one was doing anything about my thyroid. She was trained to interperet the results and other labs together to identify any underlying cause that showed up otherwise “normal” to most doctors.

Hallelujah! We spend about 2 hours going over everything and come up with a plan together.

Long story short, I’m dealing with an autoimmune related thyroid condition and was FINALLY started on therapy for it. Something that was easily solved with a little thyroid medication and combined therapies.

My energy levels and cognitive function jumped significantly in the last few weeks. I’m able to do more in my personal training sessions. My trainer even mentioned how he could tell my energy, coordination, stamina, range of motion, and strength are all greatly improving.

My weight has finally stabilized, which is wonderful. It was fluctuating up and down 5 lbs, with 165 being the most constant. I can’t say that I’ve really lost much of anything, but it has stabilized at 160 and isn’t fluctuating up anymore.

I’m really excited to break 160 soon for the first time in a year and get to 150 as my next goal. Friday we change up my entire workout routine and start pushing a bit harder now that I’m in better shape and stronger. I actually feel good now when I work out and it’s so great!

Exciting things to come!

To summarize, I just wanted to post about this to encourage those who are struggling medically, whatever the issue, to keep pushing and seeking answers. To be an advocate for yourself and don’t accept a doctor telling you nothing is wrong. Especially as females. We have an epidemic in this country of doctors ignoring real medical problems and labeling them as being psychosomatic, attention seeking, etc.

Also, never assume that you know what’s happening in someone’s life or their struggles. You may have no idea how hard they are working, how much they are killing themselves to change something.


Nina Toubale

Electrical Play, Electrotorture, emotional masochism, Emotional Sadism, Encasement Fetish, Enemas, Energy Play, Erotic Literature, Erotic Photography, Exhibitionism, eye contact restrictions,
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